Finances

If your not stressing your finances, then hats off to you! Maybe I’m stressing because I’m not working, or maybe it’s that since I’m not working I pay more attention to where my money is going. Either way, money is scarce, everywhere!!
If you live in New York, and have a car, you’re paying for parking, HIGH GAS PRICES, and maybe even a car note. Small tip, there are some things that you may not be able to control, like gas prices, but there are others, like auto insurance that you should really be able to search for and get a decent deal. Don’t give in to just anyone….control the controlables!

The 4-Hour Work Week

So, I haven't been blogging, but I have been reading...A LOT! The latest book is the 4-Hour Work Week. For those of you that know me, you know that the title ALONE was enough to catch my interest! As I started to read the book, I found out that I should be doing the most obvious thing and work for myself. There are some people that can just do their job, and work for someone else. I am not one of those people. And, as far as I can see, the majority of my close friends are EXACTLY LIKE ME!! I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING FOR THE MAN!!! It's become more clear to me within the last 2 weeks.

I lost my job, but I was MISERABLE anyway! Each day, as I walked into the gym, I would curse myself! I was trying to hang in there and tell myself that I should be grateful that I even have a job, as there are so many people today without one. But, at one point I had to remind myself when I was unemployed last year..I WAS SO MUCH HAPPIER!! Now isn't the best time to be without a job...but, then again, when is it a good time!?

Buy Me A House!

It looks like my time will be coming to own my own place within the next year or so. While I still have the economic fear, it only makes sense to try to obtain a mortgage while the interest rates are low. My excitement to buy sinks, cabinets, or even pick out the hardwood floor is overwhelming! But, in order to do all of this, I have to cut back on my spending EVEN MORE!! I have to go on a B***et....yup, I'm still allergic to that word, but at least I know I can do it!

Hello...AGAIN!

It's been so long since I've been able to write a post. PC's just don't do it for me, & using my BlackBerry just didn't seem right. I finally got my computer fixed! That's what's been keeping me from you all! So much has changed since the computer meltdown. My bf & I are doing AMAZINGLY WELL, despite every obstacle that has been put in our way. We are about to start looking for a new apartment, hopefully within the next month. With a new place comes a new bed...either a pillow top, or a sleep number bed. Whatever it is, it will have to be a king size, or maybe even a California king. We don't take up much space, but we enjoy having the option of not sleeping underneath each other all of the time.

Welcome Back...

I know, I've been distant. I've got a lot going on with me personally that has kept me VERY OCCUPIED!

Not having easy access to my laptop, because it crashed, has really put me at a disadvantage.

I've decided to go back to work full time. I got a great opportunity to be the manager at a gym in Union Square. I accepted the position, and I start in a week. Of course, I'll have to take another break from school so I can work...which sucks big time, but, in the end, it should be beneficial. Finals are this coming week. Looking forward to getting them over with!

About 2 weeks ago we had to put Hunter, the family dog(baby), to sleep. That was a very hard thing to do. But, we are coping as best as a family could. I still question why he isn't barking when I open the front door...but, then I remember that he isn't here anymore.

As of Monday, my bf and I are on a "break". What I've recently come to see is that he doesn't deal with negative change very well. Where I may be upset, sad, or even emotional for a day or so, or maybe more, I still see the need to keep it moving. I have Faith that everything will work out. I found that he has a more difficult time with this.
I don't think he see's himself as a "man", no matter what I say to him.
He decided that it was best that we go our separate ways...although, it wasn't said quite that nicely.

Seasons Are A Changin'

Still Here

I know I've been MIA for a little while...had some LIFE changes.
Doing a little bit better now.
I haven't purchased my new computer as of yet, but I will be doing so sometime in December. Until then, I'll either be sending via BlackBerry, or using my parents PC...which I'm doing now, and let me tell you IT HURTS!!!
I AM ANTI-PC & PRO MAC....but, I'll have to deal with it for the time being.
I've got a couple pics for you from a wedding that James & I went to recently...if I can just figure out how to get the images onto the computer from the camera...Macs aren't this difficult.

Keep you posted! MUCH LOVE!!

Talk About Neglect

I've been neglecting ALL of my blogs, & my blog family due to the fact that I have no computer.
Yes, my "baby" crashed on me & I hae no clue what to do with myself. I feel like I have been cast off from the rest of the world! I have a BlackBerry, but it's just not the same. It's no where near the same.
Now I feel sad all the time.
I'm not working full-time, so purchasing a new computer is out of the question. I'm gonna start looking on Craigslist for a deal on a second hand computer that will at least take me through the next couple of months.
I'll try to update you all as much as possible.
Oh, the bf & I went to a wedding last weekend. Hopefully I'll be able to post the pics soon, & give you the story behind it.
Later!!

What's New

A WHOLE LOT! LOL!
First let me start by saying thank you to all of those who have emailed, called, posted comments, & as always, kept me in your prayers! It's all helped me keep my sanity & focus!
I took a leave of absence from school for a little bit to get myself together...have no fear, I'll be going back in December, come hell or high water.
Most recently, my mother has moved from Vegas, to Atlanta, to NYC. Those that know me understand where my head is at when it comes to her & the situation. Not stressing it though...we are keeping our distance, or rather, I am keeping my distance in order to keep the peace. However, this past Saturday, she callled me asking if she could go to church with me. While in TOTAL SHOCK...I agreed, and was actually happy when she pulled up to the house. It went well. Although, the first 30 minutes, she spent eyeing men. Not sure if she'll attend again, but at least I was able to do something that no one in my family has ever successfully accomplished!
Bf & I are still together. Rocky at times, but I think that happens in relationships, no? Been almost a year...a year in 2 mths...WOW!!!
Also, in 2 months & 4 days, I'll be turning 29. All I keep saying is, "I'm almost 30!". Clearly you can see I'm not excited for the age I'm turning, however, I've been truly blessed to have been given an extra day, no less an extra year! So overall, looking forward to another birthday. And, yes, before you ask...THERE WILL BE A COUNTDOWN! LMBO! It will start November 6th. :)
That's it for now. If something else pops up, I'll be sure to let you know.
Ciao for now!!

Mac-less

I'm without Mac "child"... I'm so unhappy!
My laptop crashed on me about 2wks ago and since then I've been lost! I've never been without her this long. Anytime I thought I'd be out of the house for an entire day, or more, I took her with me. Now, I've got nothing! I know this sounds extremely dramatic, but I know, at the very least, all of my Mac family understands. I still have my Blackberry, so I've got a little something, but it's just not the same.
Tomorrow one of my bf's friends is gonna come over & take a look at her. I pray he can convince her to come back to me. Otherwise, I AM SO SCREWED!!!

What To Do?

What do you do when your computer crashes? Do you crash with it?
I'm am posting from a PC right now & it's making me sick to my stomach!

MOVING

This time, I'm moving for real!!! I've decided to stay in NYC for a little while longer. I've already accepted 2 jobs, which is a must if I want to stay in NYC, and make it. Adding the 2 salaries together, I should be able to survive! What I'm looking for now is a studio or one bedroom apartment in the Jamaica, Queens area. I want to be as close to the subway so I won't have any issues with transportation. My bf and I spend entirely too much money on "dollar" vans/wk. I'm looking to move by, if not before my birthday, which is December 6th for all those who want to know, lol!
Soon, I'll be decorating and looking for some modern bedroom furniture, so I'll be able to toss the current stuff...he doesn't know this yet. Decorating is always something I look forward to doing!

Latest Pic During Harlem Week

Me & The City Gym Boys ;-)

By Default

It has been brought to my attention, over the last year, that my default button is in over drive...

By Default...

- I am loyal
- I am a fixer-upper
- I put everyone else FIRST
- I put myself LAST
- I feel the need to help everyone

You may see these things as a positive, but it's not!

My high school bf told me, today, that I have a habit of helping needy people, regardless of the harm, or emotional stress, I know it will put me under.

HOW BRILLIANT DOES THIS MAKE ME?

I Forgot To Tell You

So, my dog and I are no longer friends. I don't speak to him, pet him, walk him, or give him Amber hugs & kisses.

Why?

Because he growled & then bit my bottom lip. I leaned over to kiss the top of his head, and he bit me!

So, I am not speaking to him anymore! As a matter of fact, I am looking to get myself a puppy! THAT'LL LEARN HIM!!

Anxious

Looking forward to doing something BIG! I don't know what...but, I'm feeling very anxious and restless lately. You know that jittery feeling that you get when your waiting for something?

I don't know what my deal is, but I know some things are about to change...I just pray that they are for the better instead of the worse...LORD KNOWS I CAN'T HANDLE ANYMORE BAD NEWS.

I've been looking at random magazines that have been coming to the house and saw something on home theater seating..which is basically like having a movie theater in your home. It made me think back to when I lived in Atlanta, and the huge difference between living in New York City and there. I miss Atlanta so much, but, the timing was soooo off when I was about to depart.

HISTORY IS AMAZING....LET'S MAKE IT!!

HOW ABOUT A GREAT LAUGH :)

Motorcycles

Why do people really want motorcycles? My female friends think that they’re sexy, meanwhile, I think that they’re a death trap. It could be used Harleys or the sports one’s, I just can’t see it. I rode on the back of one, I think twice, and to me, they make me feel like those rides at theme parks that spin around REALLY fast, round and round, and make me want to vomit. I REALLY DON’T LIKE THEM!

Weight

Never a need for diet pills. I’m starting to think I need a weight gainer. I am holding steadfast at 119lbs. I have no idea why I’m stuck there. I eat anything and everything, whenever I want. Should I stop complaining and just be happy that my body is doing the opposite of what I want it to? My clothing is still an issue. My 13 year old sister & I really do wear the same size. And, all of my clothes are 6 & 8 sizes too big.

PEPSI NOW

There a million treatments for your skin. My family has tried all of the acne cures that have come out for one of my sisters. They have even gone as far as removing all of the soda from the house. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT ABOUT? I’m over here in the middle of having a caffeine withdrawal. I had to call my father at work and beg him to bring me a two Liter Pepsi when he gets off from work. Why do they make EVERYONE suffer?? I WANT MY PEPSI!!!

Not Moving

I've decided, I'm not moving! At least, not at the moment. To be perfectly honest, the move was entirely too costly, and stressful. It's been a toss up for the last two months between shipping everything, and using moving trucks. After getting all of the estimates, and shopping around, I got WAY stressed out! So, I'm going to stick it out here for a little bit longer. Now, I don't have to worry about buying a car and transferring schools.

You're Just as Weird...Don't Judge Me

You're Just as Weird...Don't Judge Me
Ok Setta B., here goes....

It's time for 10 weird, random things, facts and habits about myself.

1) I sleep with a night light when I sleep in my own bed. When I'm at my bf's house, I don't need it.
2) Up until 2 weeks ago, I haven't done my own hair, myself, in almost 10 years.
3) Within the past year, I started watching scary movies. I haven't watched them since the first Friday the 13th.
4) Talking animals make me laugh 'til I want to pee my pants.
5) I CAN'T & WON'T date anyone that can't make me laugh.
6) PC's make my stomach turn...Mac's RULE!!! I only accepted my last 2 jobs because they were Mac based business's.
7) Although I wear a size zero now, I refuse to get rid of my size six & eight clothing, conviced that I will one day fit them again!
8) I AM TERRIFIED OF BUGS....INCLUDING LADY BUGS & BUTTERFLIES....
9) I own a digital camera, & carry it in my bag (even when I change bags), but never take pics.
10) When I don't feel well, I crave Doritos.

You know it works. You're tagged. You post. You tag someone else.
I'm tagging you, you, & YOU!!!

My Goodness

What is this world coming to? Not only do you have to give an arm and a leg to relocate and/or take a vacation, but now they are recommending travel insurance. Just in case something happens to you while on the plane, you'll be covered, it's called Flight Accident Insurance. And can you believe they actually have War & Terrorism Insurance? There is an episode that I must have missed...DO WE REALLY HATE EACH OTHER THAT MUCH? IS IT THAT BAD?!

Summer

It has come, and it will be gone before you know it. I can't believe August is almost here! The sexy swimwear and the short shorts & skirts will soon be replaced with sweaters and long, down coats. I can't say that I'm not happy about it, becasue I REALLY AM! I DON'T CARE FOR THE SUMMER HEAT! There is nothing sexy about sweat dripping down your face while walking one block to the corner store. If I had my way, we would have one season all year round, FALL!

SO HOT!!

I heard it was some sort of heat wave. They can call it what they wanna call it, all I know is that it is BURNING HOT OUTSIDE!!! They are calling for cooler weather this week, but we'll see. In the mean time, I've decided to start wearing watches again. The problem with that would be instant tan lines. I DON'T DO TAN LINES...not on my wrist anyway. So, I'm searching for either a white gold bangle watch, or a sterling silver bangle watch. Either one is fine, as long as it doesn't stick to one area of my skin while I'm in the sun.

A Relaxed Evening

Me, Angie (my step-mother), and Tyra (my youngest sibling) went out to dinner last night. I think it was to make me feel better after all I've been through over the last month. It's been a rough one. One of my favorite dishes of ALL TIME comes from Applebees...the spinach dip. Yeah, I know, I'm so very simple! So, that's what I had. I don't know why but being around the two of them made me feel...well, good. It could have been just the change of scenary, but I real felt ok, and a bit happy for a change. I did some laughing with my silly sister, and watched Angie get a bit drunk off of one margarita, and then she had the nerve to order another, lol! As we were walking back to the car, she called my Blackberry a Blueberry, lmbo!!! She REALLY SHOULDN'T DRINK!!! I really think that I was given the chance to clear my head and not think about anythin that's going on with me.
I wasn't asked "are you ok", or "how are you feeling"...I was just me. I HAD A GOOD TIME!!

Some Pics For You

I have no clue why I haven't posted these pics yet. This is from July 4th weekend with me, my bf & his family....

I Want to See MY Angel!

So, I am moving back to Atlanta for various reasons. One is because it makes the most sense for me mentally, physically, emotionally, and most of all FINANCIALLY! Ok, so that's more than one reason, but you get the point. The other reason is my nephew. I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!! HE IS MY ANGEL!!! I can't wait to get back so I can get back into my "Auntie" role of spoiling him ROTTEN!! He'll get all the toys & clothes that a one year old can stand! You don't think that's too excessive do you? I mean, my brother does it...why can't I?

New Reads

New books are coming out, and I am so excited!!! If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know that I love to read, mostly African American Fiction, however, I do read others depending on the author. Right now, I'm too excited because my copy of the new E. Lynn Harris book, Just Too Good To Be True, came in. I pre-ordered it almost two months ago, and have been waiting anxiously. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that he is one of my FAVORITE AUTHORS! I'll let you know how GREAT it is in about a week, when I've completed it.

The Price of Life

It's gone up! WAYYYY UP!!!
Soon, we'll be charged to breathe clean air. How scary is that?

I'm saying this because I am trying to find the most "cost effective" way to relocate to Atlanta, Georgia. I have yet to find a way that makes sense. I have moved dozens of times between Atlanta & New York City, maybe more, and it has never cost me more than $200-. Now, after searching, it's going to cost me over $1000-. WHAT?!?! They doubled the cost of car rentals, and of course gas prices have gone sky high, and to top it off, the cost of tolls are ridiculous!! The original plan was to ship all of my belonging south, and then fly down on a last minute flight, which usually costs about $100... But, then I had to estimate how many pounds each box was going to be and found out it would be cheaper to rent a car.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO COSTLY NOW A DAYS?!?! IT'S INSANE!!

THIS IS IT!!

I am moving back to Atlanta!
I'm leaving sometime late next week. First I have to make sure that all of my loose ends with school is tied up, and then pack all of my stuff & have it shipped down there. It's going to be a VERY BUSY WEEK!!! I also have finals next week. WHEW!!! I'll get through it though.
Oh, in case you don't already know, we broke up last Thursday. It didn't prompt my move, but it did make me put everything into perspective! I realize how much I have let myself go. Over the last five or six mths, I've done little to nothing for myself, and have lost an incredible amount of weight trying to please others, and forgetting about me.
My family recognized it, and is having me shipped south where I can get my mind right, lmbo!!! I must say, I don't normally agree with what they say, but this time...I believe they are right.
The next week and a half will be spent studying, packing, and saying my goodbyes to everyone I love.
I'll be back to visit, but home is where the heart is. My HEART is my nephew, sister, & brother.

No More Tears

This weekend I decided that I didn't want to be in a funk, so I am staying with one of my best friends, Sean.
As I sit on the bed, and look over at the wall, I read the scripture from Isaiah, and REALLY BELIEVE that HE is working in my life.
HE is preparing me for something wonderful.
I have not failed, I just made a selfish "detour"...but, HE is a forgiving God! And, now I will COMPLETELY SUBMIT to HIM!
What has taken me so long to get here, I'm not sure. I guess it's me, still Being Processed.

I AM, TRULY, BLESSED & HIGHLY FAVORED! AND SO ARE YOU!

This is Where My Life Changes

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will stregthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

How Do I Sound?

I don't know how I sound, but, apparently, I am not happy. This is what I've been told, by family, over the last couple of weeks. I don't know if I should do something to change it, but, I think I sound fine.

Yes, I'm stressed, however, I live with my bf in NYC....is there anyone here that isn't stressed about something?
Maybe I am sugar coating it. I'm sure I am...but, HELL!!!!
Makes no sense to complain about something that you have no control over, right?!?!

Because things are looking like they are, my family has decided to take matters into their own hands. It looks like I'm moving back down South within the next month or so.

I was excited about it, but now, I'm not so sure.

What do you think?!?!

For Real

I'm gonna upload some pics between today & tomorrow.
Bf has family in town, so we're doing the site seeing thing today. We are going to see NYC...how weird is that?!?!
I'm excited to take pics though. Then you can see what I look like now. YAY ME!!! YAY US!! Ok, it's not that serious...but it's enough for a small smile, yes?

School

One of my classes is Computer Applications. I'm pretty happy about that because I'm a computer gal, living in a computer world!!
Lol!! Anyway, come to find out, there are alot of things that I didn't know about computers. Like when you purchase a laptop or desktop, most people don't really know what all the abbreviations mean. When I purchased my iBook, I knew nothing about laptop memory, RAM, ROM, GHz...I just knew that I wanted the fastest, prettiest, mostest that I can get.
This class actually has me learning so much, I'm shocked. Being a "Mac" gal, I am a bit more advanced than the others, but, there is still so much more I need to know. My next purchase of a laptop will be a little bit smarter!

What's the Big Deal?

Ok, we know that cleaning your insides is important, but the whole self- cleansing thing using a colon cleanser is so not for me!!
For some reason I’m ok with going to a place to get a colonic, but not ok with taking care of it myself. The idea of actually making myself go is not something I’d do. I know people who do it, and a few that are obsessed with it…but, aren’t you supposed to have some kind of toxins in your body? If not, please tell me.

HOT RIDES

I know very little about cars. So, you know I know less about a turbocharger for cars. I know a lot of people who like to add things to their cars. Like “pimping their ride”….I’m old, I think that’s what it’s called. Anyway, does anyone know what a turbocharger does? Is it just for, like, racecars? I looked online, and it seemed as if you can put it on any car, but why?

Word of the Day...

Jay sent this to me today....

Lamb's Tail

It made me laugh. Leave it to him, he's ALWAYS been right on time!!!

HOMEWORK

MY INSTRUCTORS WERE NOT JOKING!!!

They gave me LOADS OF HOMEWORK to do over our break!
I have a term paper to complete by the 15th, and read & memorize an entire chapter, including medical terminology(over 100 words), and be able to identify our inside parts for a test that I have as soon as we get back. WHEWWW!!!!

THAT'S A LOT-O WORK!!! NO TIME TO CHAT...LATA!!

Your Version

What is your version of "LOVE"....more specifically, how do you define it?? Then how do you know when your in "IT"??

I've done it a few times, this time, I know it's "Love", at least for me. He says that it's definately "Love" for him.

But, does he "Love" me the way I define the term....or, is his definition just supposed to be it?

WHY?!?!?!

WHY ARE MY EMPLOYERS PICKING ON ME?!?!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!
EVERY TIME I DO SOMETHING, CORRECTLY MIGHT I ADD, THEY FEEL THE NEED TO COME TO ME, & ONLY ME, & CHANGE THE RULES! I DON'T GET IT!!!

MY BFF's

I've had 3 BFF's in my life. I miss them!!!

One moved to North Carolina, & purchased a house. I'M SO VERY PROUD OF HER!!! Last year we reconnected, and I'm thankful that we did. When we were in high school, in NYC, we were one & the same. You saw one, you saw the other. But, there came a time when things happened, & I knew me...I had to distance myself from her & our relationship. I was unable to not judge...& that isn't healthy in any relationship!!! I needed time to think & to grow! I NEEDED TO GROW UP & LEARN HOW TO HANDLE SITUATIONS LIKE THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR!
FINALLY, BY GOD'S GRACE, & ONLY BY HIS GRACE, WE WERE BROUGHT BACK TOGETHER!!!

Now, I have MY SHAWNTE' back!!! We picked right back up! And, I am so proud of her & her growth!! LOVE YOU LADY!!!

Another, I was friends with since I was 13 years old...give or take a year. Her & her mother took care of me like I WAS FAMILY! She was my sister, & Mommie was MY Mommie. We took care of each other accordingly. I'll always remember when we first met. I think I was 13 years old. For some odd reason, even though we didn't "really" know each other, we couldn't stand each other. We actually put our energy into getting each other in trouble, trying to get each other suspended, & making other people hate one another. And then, somehow, we became BFF's!! It just happened! We've always had a bumpy relationship...I mean, we both wanted our own way, so we had to compromise our beliefs a lot. I had to be VERY UNDERSTANDING & PATIENT! I was a part of my growth, I guess. I have not seen or heard from her in about 2 years. We got into a fight over a mutual friend, & a few lies that were told to me. She told me to never text/call again.

Not that I am condoning any of the actions that were made 2 years ago, but, I MISS YOU MY JO JO!!!! I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY SISTER!!

My most recent "new" BFF...well, what can I possibly say about this one, lol!!??? Well, we met when we were both working for PSSC, in Brooklyn, New York. She did sales & I did collections, then was the general manager. We didn't "click" initially. We were there to do make money! That was our main priority! I'm not exactly sure how we became as close as we were. But, all of a sudden, we were one & the same...lol, I see the pattern. We've been through A LOT TOGETHER!!! I MEAN..A LOT!!!
She moved, out of state, a few months ago. She even got married! We still chat, instant/text messaging has been a savior for us, lol! We even keep up with each other through our blogs. But, it's just not the same!

I'm very proud of you MY N'TASHA!!! But, I miss you something awful!!! I still have to explain the importance of Cake Man Raven to people! ONLY YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT!!!

And by the way, if you haven't noticed, I placed the word "MY" in front of their names...I didn't on purpose....THEY ARE MINE'S!!! I DON'T SHARE MY BFF'S!!! GET YOUR OWN!!! :-p

School

I'M DOING IT!!!

I start on Monday, the 16th!! YAY ME!!!

I'm nervous, but, I know I can do it! It'll be tough, & I'll have to sacrifice, but, it'll all be worth it in the end!!! In 2 years, I'll be an Ultrasound Technician, living in Georgia, with my family!!!

THAT'S ALL THE MOTIVATION I NEED TO KEEP IT MOVING!!!

Together

Nope, we didn't break up!
STILL TOGETHER!!
I'm making an effort to make it work, and he is also. Are issues are mainly financial. I hate it when money becomes an issue in the relationship!! I have no idea how to fix the issue, but, we're doing the best we can.

We opened the lines of communication a lot more, which helped!!
Turns out, I really don't know how to "Live With Someone". I mean, I've never lived with a boyfriend before, so this is VERY NEW FOR ME!! I tend to think that we should be together all of the time! But, when you live together, ALONE TIME IS A MUST! I found that out quickly! Everything you do doesn't have to ALWAYS involve the other person. I didn't know that. So, when he would want to go out with friends, we would have a major fight because I wasn't invited.
Now, I'm like, go ahead!!! It gives me time to do whatever I want to do, like CLEAN!! LOL!!!

When we first started seeing each other, we spoke a lot about not losing our own identity. I thought I completely understood then. I'll admit...I didn't...but, I do now!!! I LOVE "ME" TIME!!!

There is no reason to have to be UP UNDERNEATH any person 365 days a year. Is it not enough that we sleep together every day? It doesn't mean that you love them any less. It just means that I CAN BREATHE!!! We still do a lot together...but, we both allow each other some space to chill. I can say, it's made us a lot closer & happier!!!

My Job

So, I used to LOVE my job!!!
But, then they decided to change everyone's job description. Now, I AM MISERABLE!!!
I have no clue as to what I am supposed to be doing, so I kind of just sit around, staying quiet, trying to stay under the radar. I spread papers all over my desk, as if I'm swamped, and occasionally print something out. LMBO!!!
The work that they want me to do now is dumb!! It's more researching than working, which is really a waste of my time. The change happened about a week ago, and just now I thought...Hey, I can use some of my wasted time to update my blogs!!
I know, I'm brilliant!!! Slow, but BRILLIANT!!! :)

Coming to a Close

I don't think this is a relationship I can do!
We were happy, but I am a woman...so I searched & I found...MY FAULT!!! But, in my defense, the search was warranted. I won't go into too much detail, but if you really know me personally, you know what I mean.
I have way too much on my plate to deal with petty nonsense. We tried to talk about it last night, but, of course, it ended up in a HUGE ARGUEMENT!!! What now? HELL, I DON'T KNOW!!! I'M STILL TRYNA DEAL WITH THE DAY TO DAY CRAP!!!!

Afraid of Fear

I've always been good at giving advice to others when asked. But, it seems like I am less likely to take my own advice.
Don't be afraid to take a chance!
It's something that I've to many, but have always stepped cautiously into "chance".
Why?!
Because I am "Afraid of Fear". I'm afraid of the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's, & the what if's".
So, I sit & do NOTHING!
I dumb down for jobs I know I am WAY over qualified for. I remain in friend/relationships where I know I deserve more, or better.
I DO NOTHING!
In the mean time, what happens to my life?!
NOTHING!!
It remains the same nothingness that it's always been. Not moving up or down....just STUCK!
Imagine this, if everyone who's afraid, took a chance, where do you think we'd all be?
For me, I'd probably have a career, husband, & a house in Atlanta....& able to help my family when/if needed.
For once in my life, I'm going to put the "what if's" aside & try taking a chance....
Today, I re-enrolled for school. I have to go back on Tuesday to finish up the new financial aid paperwork. School begins, for me, June 16th. I'll be going to school Monday through Thursday, from 6pm to 10pm....& still working full time.
People do it....WHY CAN'T I?!

Questions of the Day

Does it make you feel any particular way to know that your actions are affecting people in a negative way?
Do you care that your depression is making me ill to my stomach?

When, exactly, is enough, ENOUGH?

How do you JUST live for yourself?

X Season

I saw my X yesterday. It was a rather good experience, for me anyway. Out of all of the mess, at the end of the relationship, we were able to remain friends. I appreciate that!
In my mind...He was the man for me, but at the wrong time!
Timing is EVERYTHING!!!
While I may wish it were me....he is going to make some woman very happy!!!!
I look forward to seeing him in the future, as he has been the only person in the last two years who could TRUELY make me laugh, no matter what the situation. He made me laugh yesterday...I needed that....I'LL ALWAYS LOVE HIM FOR THAT!!!
I remember that warm feeling washing over me. It was a nice familiar feeling.
WHAT A WONDERFUL MAN!!!!
He was a great Season!

Question?

What do you do when you have to choose between your health and someone and/or something you love?

School

I was supposed to start school at the beginning of this year. I all registered, I even have my uniform....but, things happened....and so I wasn't able to start the first semester. :-(

Now, I'm considering going back. The problem is that I don't know which schedule would be the best for me. If I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna go HARD CORE!!!

I work Tuesday thru Friday, from 9am to 6pm, & Saturday from 10am to 5pm. Either I change my work schedule and work Monday thru Friday, and go to school on Saturday & Sunday, or.....I'll have to take classes Monday thru Thursday, from 6pm to 10pm.

THE PRESSURE!!!!!

HELP...PLEASE!!!!!

MEN ARE DUMB!!!!

NEED I SAY MORE?!?!?!

Fasting.....

Today is day 3 of my fast!
The first 2 days were the WORST!!!
That whole knowing that you can't have somethign that you know you CAN have....SUX!!!
I never want for food. I can go for days, although I know it's not healthy, without eating anything. As soon as Pastor set the ground rules for the fast, I IMMEDIATELY BECAME HUNGRY!
For the last 2 days, I felt like I was starving....so weird!!!

The scary part, for me, is that I Know that I'm going to lose weight this week....weight that I don't have to lose. I'm 128lbs. I weigh in at the doctor's office on Monday, so I'll let you know the damage then.

All in all, I love fasting. It gives me a chance to see alot more clearly, & get my priorities in order. I have so much to do! But, I'm excited about what's coming up for me & my NEWLY EXTENDED FAMILY...GOD WILLING!!!

Anywho....chat later!!!

Palm Sunday

I went to church today. Not that it's a major event, but today, I felt like I really needed it. WHEN IT RAINS....IT POURS!!
I was blessed to be able to attend service with my two younger sisters. We had a good time...& I didn't even realize it was Palm Sunday until I got to church. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

Either way, I had fun, & I feel less FULL!!!!

After this evening, I will begin my Consecration Fast, until Good Friday. It's 5 days of one meal per day, only drinking water, prayer & scripture meditation....basically, I'm working on the inner me & my relationship with the Lord.
I'm actually pretty excited about it! It gives me a chance to focus on my spirituality, HARD CORE...& gives me many lessons on what changes need to be made in my life going forward.
I'll be updating you each day, & for the most part, the posts will be focused solely on my fast.